“Tell her… Tell her… WE have to tell her…” my mind chirps away, distracting my thought process. “No we don’t, now shut up and let me be” I say, knowing all too well it’s in vain. This is the effect she has on me. A simple thought, sight or even note of her voice sends my mind in a wild flurry of taunts and jeers. Taunts and jeers not towards her but towards myself. But somewhere deep within the roar of negativity is a voice of hope. Always saying things like this. Trying to make me do what the rest of me presumes I can’t since most of me is always right.
I try hard to separate myself from the two sides but fail miserably each time I do. I succumb to the taunts and end up on the losing end. A position I’ve been in since my first failure eons back.
Picking myself up from the rubble has been hard because I can’t move. I’m alone with my thoughts. Every once in a while I see a ray of light through the clouds but it vanishes the moment my eyes begin to adjust to its brightness.
She’s the most recent ray I have seen. The second or third, I’m not too sure. Though I know my efforts are in vain I try to force my hands towards her. I feel a little tingle in my fingers, but nothing happens. Her warmth envelopes me, and her light gets brighter. I slowly part my lips “Are you real?” I want to say but no sound nor whisper can I make. I feel her move closer with each passing second. Then as if to tease me she moves farther away hovering in the distance.
I want to break free from my self-made prison, my lifeless inanimate cell and tell her that she’s the only person who can save me from my despair. That I want to pledge my loyalty to her and only her. That I will follow her to the ends of time…but alas, I can’t as my tongue has been destroyed and my vocal cords ripped out. A mummy in a tomb. That’s what I am. A tomb filled with thoughts, rage and hurt….