I know I’m supposed to be doing this at night and all that but, have you ever sat in class just staring out the window as the lecturer rattles on and on about this and that? What am I thinking? Of course you have! It’s one of the few other things to do while listening to a boring old guy or lady talking for a living. I have this habit of suddenly zoning in and out of reality into a world of my own making thanks to my wild imagination. As a guy it’s perfectly normal to be thinking of cars…nay fast cars, girls, money and a little about my future(or a lot if you have no life at all. Hey am almost in my mid 20’s so I gotta finish living first(meaning lots and lots of fun right now) before I think of engaging my plans for the future).
So here I was, a few moments ago just before i started writing this, looking out the window deep in the racing world when I am suddenly yanked out of it by this beauty I spot. She had this really smoking hot body with curves in all the right places. Her hair was dark but with a hint of light brown(very light), her complexion relatively light brown almost white, and for the plus part she seemed relatively short. The Perfect height for someone like me. I lost myself staring…ahem! Meant to say admiring…yes, admiring her as she walked slowly past. Part of me was howling inside like those animated wolves in cartoons during my childhood days. The primal man within me was awakened and the urge to leave class to go say hello was killing me. I could envision what it would be like talking to her, hearing her voice and possibly getting to know her better in time, as well as my friends being jealous of me for saying hi first. All the fun we would have, her telling me about her life and what she loves to do, me telling her my favorite hobbies(which are amazingly more than I once thought) and the occasional dates that would follow. (Man i dream big)
Then the ever so-kind-to-pull-down-your-spirits conscience in me pops up. Crushing all my dreams(if day dreams count as dreams…but really, do they?). Bombarding me with stuff like “Duuuude! Come on! Really? Her? That’s the girl you see yourself with?” Then I’m like “Dude you are probably right. I shouldn’t even try and think of it. She wouldn’t even say hi back.” The conversation goes on in my head for a probable two minutes in which my conscience wins and I lose. Damn it. Every single time I lose to that guy and not just pertaining to girls. Activities too. Football(You can’t even run), Rugby(Remember that injury you still have?), Swimming(Dammit man! The last thing you need is to get chlorine in your eyes again). I swear sometimes I wish I could just get him outta my head for a day. Just one day. For peace to prevail, but I’m stuck with him. Or so i think.
We all have that guy in our heads. That troll. Taunting you, making fun of you, making up lame excuses for you to ascertain why you wouldn’t be good at something, or why you shouldn’t engage in it. He may be in many existent forms in your head like a really hot chic or a hunk, a little devil on your shoulder or in my case a reflection of yourself, but without all the good charms and all. One of my best friends, a complete Naruto lover and crazy-fun personality(kinda like mine) once told me the only way to keep that guy quiet is to ignore him/her and lock him/her in a dungeon deeeeep in the subconscious and smelt the key(only if gagging and tying him/her up doesn’t work). Saying it is easy, doing it is the hard part. At times you may succeed if you are lucky, but other times he just keeps breaking out and times his returns at the worst possible times all laughing and stuff. He is a total troll.
The only cure so far for the troll is for one to stop looking for lame excuses and just start living. Do everything you’ve ever wanted to do. Let me rephrase. Do everything legal that you’ve ever wanted to do and enjoy it the way you should. It’s kind of working for me. Almost getting that little guy to shut up, just accidentally gave him an opportunity to talk today. By the time I’m done with my 20’s I’m sure he will be gone. Got to get back to this class now. I still got a future to make and fun to have later on. Till next time, Night Blade out.